Being a student
My only contribution to this website so far has been a semi-coherent ramble about Tysons Corner and some weirdness about my head being in a door, so I think it’s time for me to post something on the blog. Here’s one of the reasons I have faith in what we’re doing here.
The idea of being a student is one that has preserved my sense of identity and by extension my mental health a number of times so far.
I’ve always found it a little difficult as an actor to explain myself by what I do. For one thing, the vast majority of actors spend more time LOOKING for work than working. It’s a little harder to say “I’m an actor” if you haven’t been in anything for three, six, nine months. Which leaves…what? You don’t say “I’m a waiter” or “I’m a receptionist” because you don’t think of yourself that way. That’s just what you do to pay the rent. So you fudge your answer—with self-deprecating irony, with a vocational litany (“Right now I’m bartending at Applebee’s, but I’m really an actor/director/writer/composer/producer/fight choreographer/animal wrangler”), or you just change the subject.
My point is that when grasping at facets to form an identity, “actor” comes up short sometimes. In fact, all of the possible labels, roles, or categories I could use to define myself—actor, director, son, brother, friend, American, Virginian, Chicagoan, moderate Democrat, amateur psychoanalyst, subjective idealist, whatever—ALL of them have at one time or another come up short. Each one has, at certain moments, either felt not quite true (as above), or just insufficient to even begin to account for who I am.
Except for “student.”
“Student” has always been one that I could come back to. It has always felt familiar, always forgiven me for neglecting it and welcomed me back, and has always been a waypoint when I’ve been without purpose or direction, more so than any of the others.
Granted, until recently it was a technical designation. I was a student in the literal sense, from age 5 until about 9 months ago. But even after college…in fact, I’d say PARTICULARLY after college, thinking of myself as a student has given me a compass, and a way to regard the world optimistically. If nothing else, a good reason to get up in the morning.
Regarding every aspect of life—every event, every person, every experience good or bad—as something to learn from is a powerful thing. And the great benefit of it is that as long as you maintain the mantle of “student”, you will never be completely without direction. Even if you’re unsure about everything else, you can find comfort and energy in the fact that you are getting better with every hour that passes, and you’ll find your way through everything else as a result. It takes a constant vigilance, and there will still be stationary periods, but with that mindset you can rest assured that they will be brief and infrequent.
And as with anything else, there will be detractors. Some people will label “I am a student” as trite or pretentious, but what do they know. Those people tend to be the intellectually and spiritually bankrupt among us more often than not. Or people will say that “student” bears the connotation of something incomplete, or weak, or green. As if it were possible to know everything about anything. As if that wouldn’t be a dull, stagnant existence anyway.
It is a thing to be said with pride. It isn’t easy to maintain that level of discipline, and complacency is seductive.
One of the hallmarks of First Stage’s philosophy as I understand it is that everyone, from the interns to the professors, is there to continue learning. I hope that I will have the willpower and presence of mind to continue to deserve the title of student.
The idea of being a student is one that has preserved my sense of identity and by extension my mental health a number of times so far.
I’ve always found it a little difficult as an actor to explain myself by what I do. For one thing, the vast majority of actors spend more time LOOKING for work than working. It’s a little harder to say “I’m an actor” if you haven’t been in anything for three, six, nine months. Which leaves…what? You don’t say “I’m a waiter” or “I’m a receptionist” because you don’t think of yourself that way. That’s just what you do to pay the rent. So you fudge your answer—with self-deprecating irony, with a vocational litany (“Right now I’m bartending at Applebee’s, but I’m really an actor/director/writer/composer/producer/fight choreographer/animal wrangler”), or you just change the subject.
My point is that when grasping at facets to form an identity, “actor” comes up short sometimes. In fact, all of the possible labels, roles, or categories I could use to define myself—actor, director, son, brother, friend, American, Virginian, Chicagoan, moderate Democrat, amateur psychoanalyst, subjective idealist, whatever—ALL of them have at one time or another come up short. Each one has, at certain moments, either felt not quite true (as above), or just insufficient to even begin to account for who I am.
Except for “student.”
“Student” has always been one that I could come back to. It has always felt familiar, always forgiven me for neglecting it and welcomed me back, and has always been a waypoint when I’ve been without purpose or direction, more so than any of the others.
Granted, until recently it was a technical designation. I was a student in the literal sense, from age 5 until about 9 months ago. But even after college…in fact, I’d say PARTICULARLY after college, thinking of myself as a student has given me a compass, and a way to regard the world optimistically. If nothing else, a good reason to get up in the morning.
Regarding every aspect of life—every event, every person, every experience good or bad—as something to learn from is a powerful thing. And the great benefit of it is that as long as you maintain the mantle of “student”, you will never be completely without direction. Even if you’re unsure about everything else, you can find comfort and energy in the fact that you are getting better with every hour that passes, and you’ll find your way through everything else as a result. It takes a constant vigilance, and there will still be stationary periods, but with that mindset you can rest assured that they will be brief and infrequent.
And as with anything else, there will be detractors. Some people will label “I am a student” as trite or pretentious, but what do they know. Those people tend to be the intellectually and spiritually bankrupt among us more often than not. Or people will say that “student” bears the connotation of something incomplete, or weak, or green. As if it were possible to know everything about anything. As if that wouldn’t be a dull, stagnant existence anyway.
It is a thing to be said with pride. It isn’t easy to maintain that level of discipline, and complacency is seductive.
One of the hallmarks of First Stage’s philosophy as I understand it is that everyone, from the interns to the professors, is there to continue learning. I hope that I will have the willpower and presence of mind to continue to deserve the title of student.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home